the adventures of "shotgun" dick cheney
As if it were not bad enough that “Shotgun” Dick Cheney was running around telling the Democrats in Congress to go fuck themselves, now we hear the old buzzard is pumping some bird shot into one of his “buddies.”
More crazy exploits of “Shotgun” Dick “The Assassin” Cheney
They say it was a hunting accident late yesterday afternoon, but I have my own suspicions. I’m willing to bet that the Vice-President was engaged in some late-night card playing and the guy on the other side of the table, who just happens to be a trial lawyer—and you know how much the Bush administration hates trial lawyers—hit one too many good hands. And you know the Bush administration is going to be even more pissed off at trial lawyers when Alan Shore takes my case that I told you about this morning. The barrister probably looked down and saw the pocket bullets (no pun intended) and figured he’d play them slow and try to sucker in the old fart. He knew the Vice-President was a hard-assed old motherfucker and the cards had been going against him all night and in favor of the lawyer. He also knew the old geezer was good for the dough and he was way ahead of Cheney unless the veep caught a pocket pair that tripped on the flop. The flop comes down a rainbow with one spade—the most beautiful card in the deck—which gives the lawyer a set of aces.
The lawyer knows he’s way ahead, now, but he checks to see if he can sucker in the ill-tempered old asshole. Sure enough, Cheney either hit something, or he’s on a draw, or –more likely of all—he is on a stone-cold bluff. Either way the veep decides to push it and the lawyer check-raises him. That pisses off the old fart even more because he knows his present employer is bad assed enough to lay waste to an entire country in the Middle East. He knows his previous employer is bad assed enough to make a fortune trying to put it back together. He knows that every time his present employer knocks something else down, his former employer is going to rebuild it, so there is a never-ending river of cash flowing his way. And here is this smart-assed lawyer going over the top of him, calling his bluff or acting like he has the best of it. So Cheney pushes it all in and gets the immediate call. One of the rags on the flop pairs on the turn, so the lawyer has the boat and the Vice-President misses his hand and after another rag on the river, the lawyer drags all the chips into his stack. The old geezer could live with that, except the lawyer adds a quick comment.
“Just not your night, Shotgun,” he says.
Now, the Vice-President has been nipping a little all evening out of the bottle he keeps in his hip pocket. Hell, if he wouldn’t have gotten a snoot full, he would never have pushed that last hand. So Cheney responds the only way he knows how.
“Go fuck yourself you fucking ambulance chaser,” he shouts.
The lawyer is offended by that and starts to react, but seeing the secret service all over the room, he sits back in his chair and allows the anger to subside. But his ego won’t allow him to let it go completely, so he lifts up his stack of $5000s about a quarter of an inch and lets them all click one-by-one back onto the table.
As far as the old prune is concerned, that just crossed the line and the Vice-President goes for his shotgun and gets off one shell in the general direction of the lawyer before the secret service wrestles the shotgun out of his hand.
I hope the Vice-President will learn the error of his ways. If you’re going to be drinking, leave the shotgun in the gun safe. I know when I am going out for the evening and I know I will not be in any condition to drive home, I leave the Glock 17C in the safe. I’m told that even Osama Bin Laden will put away his Kalashnikov if he expects to end up the night in a ditch or whorehouse, stinking drunk. Ladies and gentlemen, drinking and shooting don’t mix. My advice is to leave your firearms at home if you are going to get snockered.
Or my name isn’t Dick Clinch.
More crazy exploits of “Shotgun” Dick “The Assassin” Cheney
They say it was a hunting accident late yesterday afternoon, but I have my own suspicions. I’m willing to bet that the Vice-President was engaged in some late-night card playing and the guy on the other side of the table, who just happens to be a trial lawyer—and you know how much the Bush administration hates trial lawyers—hit one too many good hands. And you know the Bush administration is going to be even more pissed off at trial lawyers when Alan Shore takes my case that I told you about this morning. The barrister probably looked down and saw the pocket bullets (no pun intended) and figured he’d play them slow and try to sucker in the old fart. He knew the Vice-President was a hard-assed old motherfucker and the cards had been going against him all night and in favor of the lawyer. He also knew the old geezer was good for the dough and he was way ahead of Cheney unless the veep caught a pocket pair that tripped on the flop. The flop comes down a rainbow with one spade—the most beautiful card in the deck—which gives the lawyer a set of aces.
The lawyer knows he’s way ahead, now, but he checks to see if he can sucker in the ill-tempered old asshole. Sure enough, Cheney either hit something, or he’s on a draw, or –more likely of all—he is on a stone-cold bluff. Either way the veep decides to push it and the lawyer check-raises him. That pisses off the old fart even more because he knows his present employer is bad assed enough to lay waste to an entire country in the Middle East. He knows his previous employer is bad assed enough to make a fortune trying to put it back together. He knows that every time his present employer knocks something else down, his former employer is going to rebuild it, so there is a never-ending river of cash flowing his way. And here is this smart-assed lawyer going over the top of him, calling his bluff or acting like he has the best of it. So Cheney pushes it all in and gets the immediate call. One of the rags on the flop pairs on the turn, so the lawyer has the boat and the Vice-President misses his hand and after another rag on the river, the lawyer drags all the chips into his stack. The old geezer could live with that, except the lawyer adds a quick comment.
“Just not your night, Shotgun,” he says.
Now, the Vice-President has been nipping a little all evening out of the bottle he keeps in his hip pocket. Hell, if he wouldn’t have gotten a snoot full, he would never have pushed that last hand. So Cheney responds the only way he knows how.
“Go fuck yourself you fucking ambulance chaser,” he shouts.
The lawyer is offended by that and starts to react, but seeing the secret service all over the room, he sits back in his chair and allows the anger to subside. But his ego won’t allow him to let it go completely, so he lifts up his stack of $5000s about a quarter of an inch and lets them all click one-by-one back onto the table.
As far as the old prune is concerned, that just crossed the line and the Vice-President goes for his shotgun and gets off one shell in the general direction of the lawyer before the secret service wrestles the shotgun out of his hand.
I hope the Vice-President will learn the error of his ways. If you’re going to be drinking, leave the shotgun in the gun safe. I know when I am going out for the evening and I know I will not be in any condition to drive home, I leave the Glock 17C in the safe. I’m told that even Osama Bin Laden will put away his Kalashnikov if he expects to end up the night in a ditch or whorehouse, stinking drunk. Ladies and gentlemen, drinking and shooting don’t mix. My advice is to leave your firearms at home if you are going to get snockered.
Or my name isn’t Dick Clinch.
posted by dick clinch at 6:02 PM
1 Comments:
A good piece of advice indeed...
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